Continue on in Holiness

This week has been a series of emotional days. Rocke has been struggling with fatigue. So I worry about him. A friend of mine is struggling with an issue with another friend. Work has been going ok for the first time for a while. It is the times that Rocke & I have in the morning with our Lord. We read the bible and study and have our time with God before we start our day. If it wasn't for our faith in God, I don't think we could make it through even one of the rocky days that we have had to endure the past few years. Rocke still isn't working but we have yet to starve. Praise God for friends. Praise God for family. Praise God for His Word. Praise God for being such a great part of my life. May I strive to be Holy every day, every hour, every minute and even every second.

Bike Blessing & a me blessing included

Today was our bike blessing for our CMA (Christian Motorcyclist Association) chapter. I was so nervous about this day. Those people who know me, know that I can talk and that I do a lot of it. But I have to get to know you first. I may seem standoffish or stuck up, but really I am neither. I am just scared to talk to people. Today was a true test for me. There were strangers and friends alike. They all came with one main purpose and that was to have their bike blessed. I not only talked to other people without a sidekick, but I sang in public!! Can you beleive it? I can't!!! I put my sunglasses on (we were outside), and shut my eyes. I was singing for my Lord Jesus Christ. It was amazing!! I didn't think I could do it, but the Lord gave me the power to do it. I never could have done it without HIM. We ended with the song, "There's power in the blood". How fitting!!

Today I just want to whine

Yes, I would like a little cheese to go with my whine!! I have to get out of this funk that I am in today. I want to complain and whine. I am feeling sorry for myself. I am feeling all alone and like nobody cares. I know that God cares but I don't feel it. You know what I mean Jelly Bean? Ok, from the top. My sister Dotty always tells me that I need to "peel back the layers to what is really going on underneath". But most of the time, the underneath is dirty, messy and just plain yucky! But back to what I was talking about rather than rambling. I tried to call Dotty and she wasn't home. I have been trying to talk to my sisters for a while now, but I can't talk to them because I never get in touch with them. It seems as if every time I call they either don't answer or can't answer. They just don't have time for me. When they do have time, I don't. It really seems as if Susie is ignoring me, cause she never calls back. She finds time to call and talk to others (Mom, Dotty), but never can talk to me. And yes I know that she talks to them because they are more than happy to tell me what she says. That was the first thing. The next thing was that we are having our bike blessing next Saturday for our CMA chapter. My ministry for CMA is music. They plan on having music there, but I was not even asked. Whine! Whine! Whine! Poor little old me! Okay peeling layers. God may be telling me to slow down and wait for them to contact me. He may be telling me that I picked the wrong ministry. I don't want to wait for them to call me, cause it will never happen. So what if it doesn't? Will the world come to an end? So what if I have to pick another ministry? Will the world come to an end?

All I can do is the best that I can do. When God shuts the door, he opens a window for escape. Okay God let me soar out the window!

Memorial Day is upon us

This weekend is Memorial Day. Does this mean the beginning of summer? This year will mean a lot to our family as this is the year that we have someone close to us serving over in Irag. Something really nice is that we can talk to him over the internet. Kitty has a web cam so she can actually see him when she talks to him. We received word that Matt arrived safely in Iraq. Sunday our chursh will be doing a tribute to those serving in the military and Matt will be among those honored. We also have a Bike Blessing in Superior that day. Can't wait for the weekend!!!

Give up kinda day

Today I was called into the office by the acting store manager. Before the old boss left, I was given a "verbal coaching". Which is a fancy name for a reprimand. The first in the step towards losing your job. First step is verbal, second is a written, third is what they call a decision day, then next you are gone. After the old boss left, I talked to the big boss. He said he would look into it, because I felt as if it was personal on not work related. I still think it was. Others do the same thing a lot. I did it once and got in trouble for it. Anyway, I was told that they were going to let the coaching stand. I was frustrated and angry. I did not let my anger show. I just wanted to cry, but I didn't. I started to whine to God about it. I thought He would at least sympathize with me. Well, that didn't happen. I did not like the answers I got. First I said, "it's not fair". God said, "Well, life's not fair. Isn't that you always told your kids?" So then I said, "I work really hard for this company and they don't even appreciate it. Other people can slack off and not get their work donw, but nothing happens to them. So from now on I will just do my work, but I will not work hard." God said, "Work as for the Lord, not man". "I don't want to" I replied. God said, "too bad, I want you to show them how you can rise above this". Okay, Okay, but I don't have to like it.

A Change is a comin'

I haven't wrote in here for a long time. But change is a comin'. I realized that even though, I may think that nobody reads this, it doesn't matter. I can use this blog as a tribute to my Lord & Savior. The change I talk about is about me. On Thursday night, Rocke & I along with many people of the Hayward Wesleyen Chursh attended a "listening point" session. I talked and I listened. After it was all done, we went out on the lawn and prayed together as we faced outward rather than inward towards each other. It made me start to thinking. Sometimes we spend too much time dwelling on the negative rather than on the positives of life. We have to enjoy life and what it brings. We have to enjoy each moment that the Lord brings us. Some of those moments may be sad, some may make us angry, some make us laugh, while still others will make us greive. My sister wrote something to me today that said, "Go ahead and look at the past, but don't stare!". Today we went garage saling and then we found out that Dotty and Layla would be in Rice Lake also. We met them for lunch. It was a great moment. I am enjoying the moment as they come, even if my plans change. Change is hard for me, but I am going to embrace "the change". And I don't mean the "Change of life" (menopause).

God is my best friend

Just recenly I had some people in my life hurt me terribly. At first I was very hurt. Then I talked to God and he showed me that they are just humans. The REAL TRUE friend I have is him. I can have earthly friends, but I have to be prepared that they are frail. They will hurt me. They will not always treat me with love and compaasion. They will not drop everything to help me. They will exclude me from their lives sometimes. But they will always be just what they are: Human! Only GOD can be GOD.

Something that I have discovered throught this experience is that God is my best friend. Earthly friends can hurt you. Earthly friends and family may ignore you, talk about you, shun you, exclude you, and pit others against you (whether it is on purpose or by mistake). God listens to you no matter what kind of mood you are in. He loves you no matter what. He doesn't make asumptions about you or make fun of you. He listens and truly listens. He knows your downfalls, your mistakes, your failures and your personality. He loves you just the same. Only God can see the person we can be, not the one who makes mistakes. He knows you in and out. He is not only my Savior, He is my best friend!!

First Post of the Year

Last year was a year for lessons. I learned some hard lessons and some not so hard ones. I learned that I have more stuff in my life that I don't need and I can do with less. I learned that worry just makes you tired and does no good. I learned that life is too short to worry. I learned that family is special and I am cared about more than I ever realized. I have really reconnected with my sisters. We have formed a very special bond. We have accomplished this through "sissy days". We try to get together at least once a month. Sometimes we shop, sometimes we paint fingernails, but every time we talk and talk and then talk some more. The Lord has shown me that my husband needs me, but he is a grown man and I am his wife not his mother. He is in control of his life, and I can't use manipulation to get him to do what I want. I have come to appreciate what a wonderful man he is. Now I have to wait and see what the Lord has in store for me for this new year.

Lessons

God sure has been giving me my share of lessons this Christmas season. A great way to end the year that is for sure. A couple of really recent ones were:

Lesson 1: This Sunday at church there was a sing-a-long and testimonies. I had a terrible cold so that I was unable to sing. I love to sing. I may not be as good as many, but I do love to sing. I couldn't sing. The lesson: LISTEN!! That is really hard for me. I want to sing, I want to talk. But God wanted me to listen.

Lesson 2: I cannot control others feelings or attitudes. They may not like what I have to say. They may treat me poorly as they don't like I how I feel. I have to rise above the attitude and still show I care. The Lord loves us all. We do not have to agree on things, we do not have to have it "fair". Others may get, even though they never worked for it. They are still loved by God and my attitude may mean the difference between them accepting Christ or not. I do have an impact in my attitude.

Lesson 3: I was at a Christmas party and several of us sat down to play a game. Player A, Player B, Player C and myself sat to play. I love to play games, but I do not like to play competitively. I like to play for fun. I don't care about winning. So Player C sat down and told how she hated to play with certain other people because they are way too cometitive. Player C wanted to keep score and I said that I didn't like to keep score, I would rather just play. I was out-voted. We were going to keep score. So we atarted play. We were playing scrabble. Player B made her word. Player C made her word. I made my word and Player B counted out my points. Player C said that wasn't right. You couldn't count the previous laid letter. I thought it was for fun. Player C has to be the winner. I decided that what others see in others is something that they battle themselves. So I took a long look at myself and decided that I was going to get too competitive also and that would ruin the game for the others. So I decided that I would rather visit with people rather than play the game and have hurt feelings. So, I stopped playing and asked another girl to take my place. Player C and I both love to win. Although we approach it differently, I choose not to keep score and play for fun. While she plays competitiviely (to win) and does not see that hurt she may cause to others. While Player A and Player B just sat there and let her have her way.

Which brings me to my conclusion. God made us all different and all of us are working on different things at different times. We can only worry about ourselves and try to guide the others in God's love for all.

Sad-Packers lost again

It's a good thing that I am not a fair weather fan! We have to give Aaron Rodgers time to get it down. It's hard to be patient with your team when they keep losing! Lots of tears!! It is not our year! We can't win all the time.

Some years are like that for us personally. God sometimes allows us to have a year that seems like we can never win. We just run up against bad things time after time. We practice to get ready for it, but it just doesn't seem to help. But we always have to look ahead. God says, "this too will pass". It may take a while but somebody has to lose. I guess it's just the Packers this time!

The Games people play

Sometimes, it seems as if I work with a bunch of Middle School Children! The back biting, the teasing, the disregard for human feelings, etc. Then I stop to think about it and even middle schoolers are not as vicious as adults. Why can't we allow others to be themselves and not try to put them into a mold that we think they should act like? Sometimes I find myself following the crowd, and I start feeling resentment or ridicule for those less fortunate than I. I know that God loves all of us and I should too. But how do we react when we see another person hurting? Do we say we are sorry, or do we "pass to the other side of the road" like the Priest and Levite? I need to ask God to forgive my shortcomings and give me a true servant's heart and beome a true "Good Samaratin".

Worry about NOTHING!!!

I had posted earlier how I was worried about Rocke's bone biopsy. A true miracle happened. He had a bad blood test last time, so we thought that was why they wanted another biopsy. Well, when we got there, they took 5 vials of blood. The doctor walked in the room to give us the results of the blood tests and then do the biopsy. Guess what? He came in and said the blood tests were all perfect!! No bone bisopsy today!! He had no idea why he had even requested one. I think all of this may have happened to teach me a lesson about worry!! I fretted and worried about all the bad things, and none of them happened! All the praise goes to our Lord Jesus Christ!! I rejoice!! And I was determined that if it was bad news I would have rejoiced. But it turned out even better than any of expected it too! Our God is so Great!! Thanks to all those who prayed for us!

Cold Sore Worry

Have you ever had a cold sore? It starts with a little tingle on your lip. Within several hours the tingle will turn into a bump. The bump turns into a sore. The more you pick at it or rub it, the bigger it gets. But once it's there you have to give it time to get rid of it. There is some medication that you can take when you first feel the tingle that will keep it from breaking out. It is not an over the counter medication. It can only be given when prescribed by a doctor. I have a cold sore. It started with the tingle on Saturday afternoon. By Sunday morning when I woke up, it was bad! A lump the size of a walnut was on my lip. Okay, Okay, I know I am exaggerating. But if you have ever had a cold sore, I am sure you can relate.

Pastor Mark yesterday was preaching on Habakkuk. I think he was preaching to Rocke & I. Today Rocke has his bone biopsy to check on his leukemia. I was really worried. My friend Sue knew I was worried. She said that if I worry, I am not having faith in God. Things may not turn out all right, but God will see us through. Pastor Mark said yesterday, "Even if it's bad, I will rejoice". I am not sure if he was quoting Habakkuk or his own wisdom. I wrote it down just the same. He also said, "In the end, we will win". Even if Rocke's results are bad, we will win because we both know where he is going! He is ready. He said yesterday, that if God chooses to give him this pain, it is small compared to the pain Christ suffered for us!!

So back to the cold sore. I think my worry was like the cold sore. It starts with just a thought (the tingle)! And if you don't get the medicine from the physician, it will turn into a great big sore. The medicine for worry is God's Word and Prayer, given to us by the Great Physician. If worry does get a hold of us, like the cold sore, it will get bigger and sorer. It will affect everything we do. It is all we will concentrate on. Time is the only healer. But we still need help from God's Word to help with the healing process that damage from worry can do.

So, my cold sore is healing. But it is a reminder that Worry can affect me and make me miserable, but if I start with the medicine right away it will be better. But first I have to go to the Physician with the ailment before it happens! Next time, I will go to God with my concerns and then leave them there for him to worry about!! No more Cold sores for Me!!

Another Day

Yesterday, I turned another day older. I am now 45 years old. I can't believe how blessed that I am. I have such caring people all around me. My day started with Rocke giving me 2 wonderful cards (one mushy & one funny). I fell back to sleep, then after I awoke, I spent some time with my Lord and read my Bible. My sister Suz sent a text message. My sister Dotty called and talked and talked, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Then she calls back about 5 minutes later and said, "I just looked at the calendar and discovered it was your birthday". I also heard from:

-Cody called
-Kitty sent a text
-Amber sent a text and then later called so I could talk to Destiny, Jasmin, & Hailie
-Suz and Katrine sang Happy Birthday
-Vicki and Dixie (Rocke's sisters) sang Happy Birthday on Voice Mail
-Mom & Dad called
-Dotty called again
-My niece Mary Jo sent a text
-Rocke called a couple of times
-My friend Sue B sent an e-mail
-My friend Lori took me out for lunch and then we took her daughter to the park

I also heard from other from my friend Mickey and cousin Tracey. They had no idea it was my birthday, but it was so great to hear from them. I had a lot of laughs and will definitely have good memories of my 45th birthday.

It really doesn't matter that people remembered my birthday or not. I have such wonderful people in my life. Friends, family, church family. The whole lot! It is great to know that I am loved. I want to return the favor when I can. I am so blessed that I can hardly express in writing how I feel. It feels almost all warm & tingly. Kind of like when you have to go pee really bad, It hurts and then when it happens you feel relief. Wow. I describe things weird don't I.

Life is hard, eternal life is better!

I am not sure who sings that song. I should someday try to find out. I will have to add that to my "look up list".

Sometimes it seems as if life is too hard. You just want to give up! There is so much tragedy and heartache all around us.

Kitty and Matt were so excited to have a new life coming into their lives. The joy on their faces just radiated. This baby was so loved. Tragedy struck and Kitty lost him. He was a perfect little boy. Sometimes I get angry thinking about it! She had just been to the emergency room the night before and they sent her home. Just gave her some pain meds and sent her home. The next morning as she prepared to go to the doctor to get more help, he was born. Way too early. He was gone before anything could be done. WHY????? I know all the classic answers: Maybe something was wrong (tests show he was perfect); God wanted a baby in heaven; He is in a better place; too many more to mention.

This is what I do know. God is good. It may not seem like it sometimes, but he is crying right along side of us. He loves babies. I will not falter in my faith. Pastor Peacock once told me that "Faith has questions". I will cling to my faith even though I don't doubt God or faith, I do have questions. But life can sometimes be really hard, but I know whom I believe and that eternal life with him will be GREAT!!

Life in the citty

Wow. I thought I was done living the city life, but Rocke's job has brought him here so here we are! We recieved news about a month ago that Rocke's ABL counts were up slightly. We were surprised due to the fact that results before that showed he was in remission. I decided that I would take a leave of absence from my job so that I could be with him. I cannot imagine my life without this man. He is my "Rock". Christ is number one but Rocke keeps me grounded and stable. I would be more of basket case if it wasn't for him. The Lord tells us that he will never leave us or forsake us. Sometimes I think that I have put Rocke before my GOD. I am working on this. Perhaps that is why GOD is giving me a reality check. Though I cannot imagine my life without Rocke, I really couln't make it through this life without my Lord and redeemer. He is my "fortress and help in times of trouble". I couldn't make it without him to hold me. I pray that my children will see this truth before and if anything happens to their Dad. Prayer keeps me going. I have so many people praying for Rocke and I. I can feel those prayers, they surruond me like a great big hug. Thank you Lord for all you have done and continue to do.

My Savior, My God

Some days are hard without Rocke here. He makes my life complete. It never compares with the feelings I had the day he was diagnosed with luekemia. The day was cloudy when I got the call he was on his way to the hospital. I was rushing to the hospital to be with him, not knowing what the outcome may be. I was listening to WWIB radio out of Eau Claire on my way. As I turned the corner to turn towards the hospital, the tears flowed as I listened to the words of the song, "MY SAVIOR, MY GOD" by Aaron Shust.

I didn't understand what God had planned or what his will was. All I do know is that he chose to keep Rocke alive. He has given Rocke the strength to continue working. He gave me the strength to find my inner strength. He brought us back to him. We were not living our faith. We are now!! Our Lord and Savior is alive and continueing to guide our lives. I praise the Lord for all he has done, including Rocke's illness and allowing him to have the treatable leukemia. Thank you GOD!!

Father's Day

Today was Father's Day and I not only honor my father (Bob Weatherhead) but the Father of my children.

Rocke was born in the Ladysmith hospital on May 4, 1960 to John & Lila Baker. He grew up working on his parent's and grandparent's farm, so he always knew hard work. When he was 21 he met the love of his life (me!). We were married on December 4, 1981. (I just noticed that the 4th is significant for his dates) We had 3 children Amber (who is 25), Kitty (who is 22), Cody (who just turned 21 on the 11th of this month). Amber has 3 little girls whom I mentioned earlier in a blog (Destiny, 7; Jasmin, 6; Hailie, 3). Rocke worked as a farmer, then a A.I. technician, a herdsman, a hamburger flipper @ McDonald's, a foundry worker, a truck driver, and now a pipeline worker. He has never set idle. I have rarely seen a man work so hard and there was no job that "was beneath him". He did whatever he had to do to take care of his family. While he was driving milk truck, he became very ill. He was throwing up and running a high temp. He had been sick for almost a week, but he finally told his boss he was too sick to drive. He was still on his route over by Glen Flora picking up milk. The boss and his wife came to the farm he was at, and Jeanne (the wife) said she was taking him straight to the hospital. I was on my way to church with Amber & the girls when I got the phone call asking me which hospital to take him too. I told them to take him to Rice Lake. Now we are talking about a man who had never been sick other than a cold. I rushed to the hospital beating them there. Once he was admitted, they took all kinds of tests to see what was wrong. He was still throwing up and his temp was 103 degrees. The doctor came and said he didn't really know what was wrong but his blood counts were "out of this world". The next few days were a blur as he continued with tests and was taken by ambulance to Eau Claire. It was there that he was diagnosed with leukemia. There are different types of leukemia. The type he had was treatable but not curable. Hew is now said to be in remission thanks to the daily pill he has to take called Gleevec. Even as battled his disease, he worked if not on a job, he went every day to Mom & Dad's and helped on the beef farm. He is the hardest working, most caring, loving Christian man I know. The thought of losing him caused both of us to turn our focus to our Lord & Savior. We were both Christians before this, but we both have became so much stronger in our faith. I thank God every day for this man. Right now he is off working in Fond Du Lac, WI. Cheers to my man, I am the luckiest girl in the world!!

Beautiful Baptism video

It is so hard to beleive that it will have been 3 years ago that Amber came home with 3 little babies in tow. She was so depressed, angry and felt like she wasn't worth anything. She had been married to a man who abused her for their entire relationship. Then she came home in August of 2005. Then her Grandma died (Rocke's mom) in November. I lost my job in June, then in July Rocke was diagnosed with leukemia. Amber hated the world. She was angry with her ex-husband but more than that she was angry with God for allowing all of this to happen. Her Dad had never been sick. He was strong & tough and was now flat on his back in the hospital. The winter of 2007, she attended ALPHA (a program through church that taught about Jesus in a safe enviroment, where no question was a bad one). I started to go with her, but it was getting to be too late for the grandkids to get up for school, so I volunteered to watch the girls so she could go. She met Nate & Patti Yoder. They helped her through her anger with God. She was baptized in the summer of 2007. That was one of the best day. Rocke & I were so blessed that she has blossomed. I continue to pray for her as she continues to struggle with anger & low self esteem. I want her to know what a beautiful person she is and that I am so proud of her. Some of the choices she continues to make are not the best ones in my opinion, but she is stronger and happier than 3 years ago. This is a tribute to her! I love you Bambi girl!!

Time flies when your'e busy

It really has been a while since I have even wrote in here. Rocke had to go to Fon du Lac on the pipeline. He will be gone until November. Kitty is getting married in July. Cody got a cycle. Amber is making plans to move out.God surrounds me with such great people in my life. And some just flit in when I need them and then flit out again. Yesterday I was just walking around the corner at Wal-Mart and there was Pastor Loretta. She know exactly how I feel, her hubby is gone off working too. Then today, Pastor Heath came by today shopping and I had a nice visit with him. God love us. It reminds of how God shows us little things that can bring a smile to our faces. He is in the friend who stops to say hi while you are at work. It is the e-mail that someone sends you. It is a phone call from your sis just needing someone to talk to and she calls you. Life is Good.